Will you review an academic [book/proposal/article] for our [press/law review/magazine]?

Sometimes, if the topic relates to my core expertise.

Would you be willing to blurb/endorse/publicize my book?

If your book relates to my core expertise, I would love to consider the possibility. If this is your first book (and it falls within my core expertise), please let me know in your request. If your book is not within my expertise, I will likely need to decline this request.

I am a member of, or the attorney representing, a [cult/church/nonprofit/protest movement] and was hoping to pick your brain about our rights to [assemble/protest/speak/march/associate].  Can we talk?

Probably not. But seriously, read my stuff. It can give you legal arguments that you might find helpful.

I have an opportunity for you to inherit $3,000,000 USD from a distant relative of yours who urgently needs to hear from you.  All we need is your social security and bank account numbers.

“You know what Toby, when the son of the deposed king of Nigeria emails you directly, asking for help, you help! His father ran the freaking country! Okay?”